Kids are the real deal!!

vm.tiktok.com/oNGCcV/

🖤💙❤️🤎💜💛💚🧡🤍So i think just like so many others, these past few weeks have been so heavy on our hearts!

This is just food for thought and a little bit of my two cents about what I felt when I watched this TikTok, this is my opinion and my experience from children, not meant to minimize the severity of this months events! Nor is it meant to act like I know anyone’s pain and experience😇🙏

When I watched it I immediately broke out into tears! Happy tears! 👏

Why? Because first of all it is so darling! 👦🏼👦🏽👦🏾👦🏿👦🏻

Second, because I know racism is real and I hate the tension and division amongst so many of my friends. I think we would find more peace and joy in seeing each other as children do! 🥺😢 I hurt for the victims of racism and I hurt for the good cops! And I know I am ok in caring and hurting for both, because my heart says so!

🤭😁 I know that anything I say, I will take the chance of being hated from some, no matter who hates me and who mistreats me I will always love you! 😘😍❤️

I may set boundaries and distance myself from you to protect myself but I will always end my turmoil with you with forgiveness and love for my selfish self. 🤦‍♀️😉

I am proud of my community and the way they have come together and have been open to hear from those hurting and suffering from racism!🙌👏🖤✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿😬

But why this TikTok hit home for me I will explain? 🤗 I am sure people will think I am making this about me and I promise this is not meant to be about me but my experience with a totally different pain but none the less pain that ripped my family apart and my experience in how I deal. 😬🥰

I hate that we have such a judgmental and prejudice world that I have to preface anything I say as to not make others think I am making it about me or minimizing the pain of others. And I am all about helping those in need but I hope we can agree there are several people in need on both sides. 💗

With my friends we share things that have helped us in hopes to help others not in hopes to hurt anyone or minimize their pain! 😊

I am aware of my privilege and I would turn it over to anyone hurting if I could, and if I knew how! I honestly would prefer to take the suffering from any of you, because I can control my reaction to the suffering and help you not suffer in the process! 😍🤗 unfortunately I have spent the 38 years of my life learning that I cannot take the pain from others i can only support them (not enable them) but stand by them and hope they can heal from the pain that has been unjustly inflicted on them! 😢🙏

Now after the long unnecessary description this is what this video TRIGGERED in me! Going through a horrific disclosure of betrayal and unfair treatment from the person who I loved most on this earth: my 🌎 world was shattered, my soul was darkened, my ♥️ heart crushed, my faith shaken, and the very purpose of my existence was questioned by me momentarily and still creeps in sometimes. 😬🥺🤦‍♀️

Now with the choices I have made in how to treat a man that did this to me are under constant criticism by those I love! And that hurts and had caused several moments of defeat as i go in the “I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t” I feel that same defeat with trying to help in our nations predicament, and I want to fight for justice!🥺😌

Back to my particular situation that a lot of those I care about take the time to tell me how to live and it is ok, because I remind myself it is their way of trying to help (please don’t shame people for not knowing how to help and please give them a chance to prove their intentions when trying too) 🙏🙏

Their is a constant dialogue in my head from others that sounds something like this: “I would never stay with someone who cheated!”, “you are stronger than me”, “I would have said bye after the first affair”.😞

Now that our marriage lost its fight😢🥺😕 The dialogue still goes something like this “how can you stand being around him?”, “why would you let him do that?”, “I can’t believe you are so nice to him?, I would never talk to him again”, “no we don’t want him around, clearly you chose him over us” and so on! 🙃

This crushes me, I learned quickly with others I won’t win either way that whatever I do is wrong, and I will try to see the good in their way of helping and not take offense to it (I still do sometimes)🤟🤷‍♀️😕🤭

So here is my entire reasoning of how I live my life and although I am learning to take care of myself first I have two tiny, but massively huge reasons for trying to learn to love and forgive someone who as showed me so much unmanageable pain👧🧑‍🦱! And those tiny humans are innocent yet so affected by our failed marriage😇! What are we teaching the little humans watching us now? 😬🤦‍♀️

I do not want my tiny humans 👧🧑‍🦱 to think just because someone wrongs them it is ok to wrong them back! ✌️✌🏼✌🏽✌🏾✌🏿

I don’t want my kids to feel that privilege but want them to work hard for what they have, so they can recognize when they have something good! I want them to be anti-racist and have the strength to stand up for it when they see it, I know I will! 💪🙏✊🏼

To survive I have to shut out all dialogue 🤫🤭and look at those sweet children and the way they look at their father! ❤️😇

Their relationship with their father is not mine to ruin, no matter what he ruined for me!😊

So my point is my relationship with others is not for anyone to change but me!! I chose to try to (I am not perfect at this) see the person that has wronged me through my children’s eyes! I believe that I am not the one to create his justice and that he will face his judgment day! However I am in total control of separation from the pain so that I can chose to heal. However I will fight for all rights, and all justice and against all wrongs and all injustice not just the ones happening to who I love. But the way I try to fight is with love ❤️ , light💡, peace ☮️, and kindness 🤗. If you don’t like the way I fight and are trying to change how I deal than you are not a real friend to me and that is ok! I support you in what you believe is right and of course wish I could have the same respect in return, but if not then we set the boundaries and I continue to pray that someday we will be friends again! ❤️✌️💗