Kids are the real deal!!

vm.tiktok.com/oNGCcV/

๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ’™โค๏ธ๐ŸคŽ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿงก๐ŸคSo i think just like so many others, these past few weeks have been so heavy on our hearts!

This is just food for thought and a little bit of my two cents about what I felt when I watched this TikTok, this is my opinion and my experience from children, not meant to minimize the severity of this months events! Nor is it meant to act like I know anyone’s pain and experience๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ™

When I watched it I immediately broke out into tears! Happy tears! ๐Ÿ‘

Why? Because first of all it is so darling! ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿป

Second, because I know racism is real and I hate the tension and division amongst so many of my friends. I think we would find more peace and joy in seeing each other as children do! ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ˜ข I hurt for the victims of racism and I hurt for the good cops! And I know I am ok in caring and hurting for both, because my heart says so!

๐Ÿคญ๐Ÿ˜ I know that anything I say, I will take the chance of being hated from some, no matter who hates me and who mistreats me I will always love you! ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ

I may set boundaries and distance myself from you to protect myself but I will always end my turmoil with you with forgiveness and love for my selfish self. ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‰

I am proud of my community and the way they have come together and have been open to hear from those hurting and suffering from racism!๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ–คโœŠ๐ŸปโœŠ๐ŸผโœŠ๐ŸฝโœŠ๐ŸพโœŠ๐Ÿฟ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

But why this TikTok hit home for me I will explain? ๐Ÿค— I am sure people will think I am making this about me and I promise this is not meant to be about me but my experience with a totally different pain but none the less pain that ripped my family apart and my experience in how I deal. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿฅฐ

I hate that we have such a judgmental and prejudice world that I have to preface anything I say as to not make others think I am making it about me or minimizing the pain of others. And I am all about helping those in need but I hope we can agree there are several people in need on both sides. ๐Ÿ’—

With my friends we share things that have helped us in hopes to help others not in hopes to hurt anyone or minimize their pain! ๐Ÿ˜Š

I am aware of my privilege and I would turn it over to anyone hurting if I could, and if I knew how! I honestly would prefer to take the suffering from any of you, because I can control my reaction to the suffering and help you not suffer in the process! ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค— unfortunately I have spent the 38 years of my life learning that I cannot take the pain from others i can only support them (not enable them) but stand by them and hope they can heal from the pain that has been unjustly inflicted on them! ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ™

Now after the long unnecessary description this is what this video TRIGGERED in me! Going through a horrific disclosure of betrayal and unfair treatment from the person who I loved most on this earth: my ๐ŸŒŽ world was shattered, my soul was darkened, my โ™ฅ๏ธ heart crushed, my faith shaken, and the very purpose of my existence was questioned by me momentarily and still creeps in sometimes. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

Now with the choices I have made in how to treat a man that did this to me are under constant criticism by those I love! And that hurts and had caused several moments of defeat as i go in the โ€œIโ€™m damned if I do and Iโ€™m damned if I donโ€™tโ€ I feel that same defeat with trying to help in our nations predicament, and I want to fight for justice!๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ˜Œ

Back to my particular situation that a lot of those I care about take the time to tell me how to live and it is ok, because I remind myself it is their way of trying to help (please donโ€™t shame people for not knowing how to help and please give them a chance to prove their intentions when trying too) ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

Their is a constant dialogue in my head from others that sounds something like this: โ€œI would never stay with someone who cheated!โ€, โ€œyou are stronger than meโ€, โ€œI would have said bye after the first affairโ€.๐Ÿ˜ž

Now that our marriage lost its fight๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ˜• The dialogue still goes something like this โ€œhow can you stand being around him?โ€, โ€œwhy would you let him do that?โ€, โ€œI canโ€™t believe you are so nice to him?, I would never talk to him againโ€, โ€œno we donโ€™t want him around, clearly you chose him over usโ€ and so on! ๐Ÿ™ƒ

This crushes me, I learned quickly with others I wonโ€™t win either way that whatever I do is wrong, and I will try to see the good in their way of helping and not take offense to it (I still do sometimes)๐ŸคŸ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿคญ

So here is my entire reasoning of how I live my life and although I am learning to take care of myself first I have two tiny, but massively huge reasons for trying to learn to love and forgive someone who as showed me so much unmanageable pain๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿง‘โ€๐Ÿฆฑ! And those tiny humans are innocent yet so affected by our failed marriage๐Ÿ˜‡! What are we teaching the little humans watching us now? ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿคฆโ€โ™€๏ธ

I do not want my tiny humans ๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿง‘โ€๐Ÿฆฑ to think just because someone wrongs them it is ok to wrong them back! โœŒ๏ธโœŒ๐ŸผโœŒ๐ŸฝโœŒ๐ŸพโœŒ๐Ÿฟ

I donโ€™t want my kids to feel that privilege but want them to work hard for what they have, so they can recognize when they have something good! I want them to be anti-racist and have the strength to stand up for it when they see it, I know I will! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ™โœŠ๐Ÿผ

To survive I have to shut out all dialogue ๐Ÿคซ๐Ÿคญand look at those sweet children and the way they look at their father! โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜‡

Their relationship with their father is not mine to ruin, no matter what he ruined for me!๐Ÿ˜Š

So my point is my relationship with others is not for anyone to change but me!! I chose to try to (I am not perfect at this) see the person that has wronged me through my childrenโ€™s eyes! I believe that I am not the one to create his justice and that he will face his judgment day! However I am in total control of separation from the pain so that I can chose to heal. However I will fight for all rights, and all justice and against all wrongs and all injustice not just the ones happening to who I love. But the way I try to fight is with love โค๏ธ , light๐Ÿ’ก, peace โ˜ฎ๏ธ, and kindness ๐Ÿค—. If you donโ€™t like the way I fight and are trying to change how I deal than you are not a real friend to me and that is ok! I support you in what you believe is right and of course wish I could have the same respect in return, but if not then we set the boundaries and I continue to pray that someday we will be friends again! โค๏ธโœŒ๏ธ๐Ÿ’—

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