I am Writing, He is Building, Our Tools​

Ok I know I have recently started to share my story about the struggles in my marriage💍, and I will continue to share the tools 🛠 🧰  that Rex and I are learning to help cope and heal us. But the original dream of this blog after publishing my first post in September of 2015 was to share my two cents about dance, design, and most importantly others who have inspired me by their two cents.

🍀 Lucky for us some of the tools 🧰  we are gaining are right in line with the original dream, and I will need to stick with my original ideas so that you and I don’t get to bogged down😩 with the more substantial part of our situation. There are many parts to Rex and me, and with him currently being in recovery, the man I married is shining🌟 through. One of the things that hindsight has👀 given me is that Rex had slowly begun to give up the hobbies and things that he loved. Neither of us realized he let so many healthy hobbies and people go until he was too deep.

❤️Today I will share the things we are doing at this very moment, things that Rex has jumped in on with me and joyfully😁 contributed. Before I share, I want you to understand a few boundaries about myself, Rex, and our family👨‍👩‍👧‍👦.

  1. Many loved ones have voiced concerns about me continuing my marriage with an addict and staying with a person who has hurt me so much. More clarification will come to this part of our situation as we share the tools that we are gaining. But know this much, I am very aware that Rex is an addict and that at any time he could slip or even worse relapse. I am not naive to think that we are free from pain and hurt and that our journey could still be brought to an abrupt stop. I understand that I am standing on a trap door and 🤞preparing myself for the worst but hoping for the best. If that trap door is to be opened by Rex, then I am preparing to be braver as I fall and set up the right moves to do what I need to do, whether I stay or leave.
  2. I am not a blogger👩‍💻 nor do I want to be full-time, I have a love for face to face human inner action and will do my blog as it is convenient for my family and me. At any time if Rex and I feel it is hurting our situation or relationship, I will STOP🙅‍♀️. We are keeping our Therapists close as we encounter this vulnerable state. We have warned of couples that get hurt by sharing their story but also couples that it has helped, so we will keep our eye out👁.
  3. I come first for me💁‍♀️, and my self-care is the most important right now! Lots of people worry in situations that the betrayed may hang on to things and not let them go, and that is their right to do so. Part of an addict being accountable is to be able to handle the ripples of the pain they caused. I won’t forget who the victim is in our situation, even if Rex enters the victim cycle and tries a switch-a-roo (which he has done)🤪. We will both try to be logical and loving. One of my favorite stories was a man who had been an alcoholic for years when he entered recovery and had been sober for 20 years. His wife would still smell him when he got home. His reaction to those moments was taking accountability, he reminded himself that he did this to her it was the consequences to his addiction and trauma he had caused his wife. That is Rex’s attitude right now, and it is incredibly courageous of him and encouraging for me.😘
  4. Also, these stories I share are my perspectives, beliefs, and opinions on MY own situation🙋‍♀️.  Rex and I share this stuff together, I write it, and he edits and approves it, I will not share anything that he is uncomfortable with. Everyone’s reaction to their betrayal trauma and addiction is entirely different even if the actions and the outcomes are the same. So I don’t expect to change anyone else’s opinions only share what is working or not working for us. I am taking steps to become the best version of me, and surrounding myself with positive, supportive, and accountable people.
  5. Also, don’t be afraid to approach or talk to either of us about our situation, we are open and honest about it.😘 Clearly, we don’t care who knows, because the shame of who you are and what you have done wrong gives the adversary the power to overcome you!😉

So now that I shared a few of my boundaries around this blog and my marriage I want to share with you mine and Rex’s moment tonight. First of all, Rex is learning to express himself, and it is helping create a strong connection between us, the connection is what every marriage needs to survive and enriches every second of marriage. I was not planning on a story with this post, but it naturally flowed so here I go. What I love about Rex now is that he is contributing his ideas, talents, and efforts to our family. Rex is back in our marriage, yes I say back in our marriage because he had replaced Rex with a soul that was a very dark and unrecognizable person to me for👿 years. That very dark and unrecognizable man haunted our marriage, and there was someone else entirely in our marriage, and right now he is NOT present. Thank HEAVENS 🙏

So tonight I sit here and share with you what Rex is doing and how he is not only using his tools from Lifestar but his real tools to build confidence and worth for himself in our home. Rex is taking on the amazing skills he learned from his Dad, who would be extremely proud of what he has done the past few months and building a murphy bed for our office/spare bedroom. So here we are I am writing, and he is building both an essential part of our self-care.

Also, this post was supposed to be about sharing these cute Etsy blocks, Rex helped me make that cover all the holidays and I totally missed that point🤪 So visit my Etsy shop to get them!

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