I will never forget this day, and that moment time stood still in our Country. We all have our own stories of that day, and although mine can not even compare to those that suffered in pain and sadness of losing loved ones or themselves. I still felt the need to share and remember the emotions that consumed myself and many others.
I remember waking up to my radio alarm which had gone off just moments before the second plane entered the second tower. I was alone in the house and thought I was dreaming. I rolled over closer to the radio, to get closer, I wanted to make sure I heard what I thought I heard. There was no this was really happening, and I needed more evidence. I alone in the house and had no one to share the array of emotions that punctured my heart, and I began to feel very alone. I ran into the living room and turned on the TV, and I could not believe what I was now witnessing.
I felt awful for all those people affected by this tragic event and the unbelievable consequences of such evil acts. I was hopeless as I watched people scatter to protect themselves and others. The scene was horrendous and very unforgettable, and I along with most of America was crushed by the images shown. I felt helpless guilty as I stood unharmed and physically free from these attacks on our country. After what seemed like an eternity of watching in shock, I turned the TV off. I felt selfish and guilty knowing that I could turn off the visions of this horrible nightmare.
I began to get ready for school feeling empty and blank while wondering if the class would even be held. I walked outside in a bitter silence and started to head to my 3rd week of a new semester at DSU. The painful silence was lingering my entire drive to school, and it felt as though every car on the road was in slow motion. The usual urgency of every car was consumed by deep thought and pain for what was going on in our Country. There were no signs of road rage, cutting cars off, and no vehicles were in a hurry to get anywhere. It seemed every car knew what happened and if they didn’t know the bitter feeling in the air it had to have struck their intuition.
I walked cautiously to my English class wondering where we go from here, every person I passed expressed the same sorry and sad expression. For that moment we all felt the same thing, no one cared about anything other than this tragedy. We all had different emotions beating through our hearts, but every person was aware of the sorrow our country was facing.
During a moment of silence in my English class, my sorrow and sadness began to hurt for those suffering, and the faucet turned on. My eyes became blurry and I could no longer see the computer screen in front of me as tears fell down my face in a steady and endless stream. Why was I crying and sobbing so hard? I was pretty sure that no one super close to me was hurt or injured at the start of what we knew would be a war. I began to feel selfish for having such sadness because I was so blessed. I did not want to take any attention away from all those who were suffering and hoped desperately that no one noticed the flood falling from my eyes.
I immediately went back to disbelief. I actually refused to believe, because believing made me feel sick, uneasy and out of control. I did not know the whereabouts of my loved ones and began to feel extremely anxious. My anxiety made me feel that I had to find them immediately, I had to know for a fact they were OK, and I needed to protect them from what may come. Was it over? Our Country was frozen in fear and felt so vulnerable. Why would somebody do this? How could somebody do this?
Our teacher excused us early, and all my other classes were canceled, so I headed home. As I walked through the door, I needed to do something how could help. I am here in St. George Utah, and so many in need were so far away, so I hit my knees and begged for those in the middle of this tragic war, to have some comfort, and comfort for their pain and suffering they were experiencing. I began to pray “Heavenly Father, please I am begging you please, help them, help all of them. Comfort them and be with every one of them. Let them find their loved ones, keep them free from harm.” I stopped with doubt and even know I knew better I asked myself “What comfort or hope do they have?”
As the day went on I was glued to the TV the images began to change, and the dust and debris began to settle a feeling of hope began to cap the bitter silence. This horror America was watching started to shift to hope as a hero after hero fought to find survivors and the energy of the nation pulling together in unity was so vivid. My hate and doubt began to leave and love actually flooded my heart for all those fantastic people sacrificing their life’s for perfect strangers in need.
I began to see so much good in our Country and its people, we were united that day and a few days after. For a very brief time, we were not fighting each other, and we were not focused on all the stupid things that pull us apart. Hero’s were everywhere in and out of uniforms, and American’s hearts were united with more hope after survivors were found, and some loved ones reunited.
It is hard not to wonder why God could let this happen, but we were all bought for the same sacred price, and with that, we have a moral agency. We were given the ability to see right from evil, and some chose evil. An evil choice has great and tragic consequences, and this horrible choice caused such a catastrophic tragedy. After this evil choice, our Country together practiced their ability to do good, and united in love to help all those in need. I witnessed miracles that were accompanied by God’s pure and everlasting light. I know with every evil there is good, and it is up to our moral agency to determine which side we stand on.
I will never forget that day because of that horrible tragedy, but mostly because of the unity and love our Country had for a short moment. That day it felt there was no division in race and religion. That was the first day I did not feel America was at war with each other because we had a ubiquitous enemy. I only wish that this unity was not a memory, and I hope we could find peace with each other. “United we stand, divided we fall.”
We have all received the same moral agency, so make your choice. Chose to be kind, chose to love others, choose to find peace, and chose to be wrong, unless your standing for what is morally right!”
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